Caring for Aging Parents: The Harsh Reality
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chapter of life that forces you to step up, grow up, and sometimes even give up parts of your own
life to ensure the people who raised you are cared for with dignity. But what happens when your
siblings—the people who should be walking alongside you—are the ones holding you back?
The Weight of Responsibility:
When Mom or Dad’s health starts to decline, no handbook tells you who should do what. Some siblings
step up without hesitation, while others suddenly have excuses, disappear, or make things harder by
questioning every decision you make. If you’re the one carrying the load, you know this
truth: caregiving can make family dynamics raw and ugly.
There’s often that one sibling (or two) who turns into the “backseat driver” of caregiving—quick to
criticize, but never quick to help. And while you’re juggling doctor appointments, finances,
and sleepless nights, they’re busy pointing out what you “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing.
Sound familiar?
Why Do Siblings Hold You Back?
It’s rarely about you. More often, it’s about:
Denial: They can’t face that Mom or Dad is declining, so they avoid responsibility.
Guilt: They feel bad for not stepping up, so they lash out at the one who is.
Control: Sometimes, they just want to have the final say without doing the actual work.
Money: Let’s be real—finances can rip families apart faster than anything else.
Setting Boundaries Without Losing Your Mind:
You can’t change your siblings, but you can control how you respond. Start by being crystal clear:
Document everything – doctor notes, financial records, care plans.
It’s harder for siblings to argue with facts.
Say no – No, you’re not available to solve every minor crisis. No, you won’t tolerate criticism.
Share tasks or costs – If they won’t show up physically, they can contribute financially.
It’s okay to say: “If you’re not going to help, I need you to stop making this harder.”
When to Let Go:
Sometimes, no matter how much you wish your siblings would step up, they won’t. And as hard as it is,
you need to stop waiting for them. The reality is this: You can’t save your parents and your siblings’
relationships at the same time.
Focus on your parents and your well-being. You’re doing the work out of love, and when this chapter
of life closes, you’ll know you did everything you could. Your siblings will have to live with the
consequences of their choices.
Your Heart Deserves Care Too:
Caring for your parents can be draining, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. Find support—
whether that’s friends, therapy, or a caregiver support group. Vent. Cry. Laugh. Take breaks. You’re not
superhuman, even if it feels like you’re carrying the weight of the world.
Closing Thought:
If your siblings are holding you back, remember this: You’re the one doing the right thing.One day, when you look back, you’ll be proud that you showed up for your parents,when it mattered most.
Helpful Resources When Your Parent Isn’t Coping Well
When you notice signs that your aging parent isn’t managing well, don’t ignore it. Sometimes what
looks like “slowing down” could be a medical issue. Here are some key steps and resources to help
you take action with clarity and care:
🩺 Start with Their Doctor
Subtle changes in memory, behaviour, or daily routines might be related to medication side effects,
underlying health conditions, or even infections. Always start with a medical checkup to rule out or
address treatable issues.
💊 Simplify Medication Management
Ask the pharmacy to package medications in blister packs—these are much easier than juggling multiple pill bottles. You can also set alarms or use medication reminder apps to help your parents stay on track.
🚨 In Emergencies, Act Fast
If something feels off—dizziness, confusion, severe pain, or sudden changes—don’t hesitate.
Call 911 or take them to the emergency room. The healthcare team can provide immediate care
and a full assessment.
🏠 Safety at Home is Non-Negotiable
If your parent lives with you, install door alarms or doorbell cameras so you're alerted if they leave the house unexpectedly—especially important with memory loss or
confusion. Indoor cameras in common areas can also help monitor their safety
(and your peace of mind).
💵 Tap Into Government Support
Look into local and provincial programs that offer financial help for caregivers. Ontario, for example, has tax credits and caregiver allowances depending on the situation. Don't
leave money on the table—these programs are often underutilized.
👩⚕️ Hire Help When You Can
Bringing in support doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re smart. Consider respite care, PSWs, for hygiene help. Even a few hours a week can give both you and your parent a break.
🧠 Talk to Someone Who's Been There
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is speak to someone who’s walked this path. You don’t have to
do this alone—and shouldn’t.